Judgments Being Passed On Working, Single, and Stay-At-Home Moms

Every pregnancy is different. By God's grace, I was able to successfully go through my third one--albeit, the most difficult one--and if I were to apply the same working model that I had with my last two pregnancies, I should have already returned to work by now, full-time! Somehow, I continue to suffer from some of the "after-shocks" of such a difficult pregnancy. Thankfully, I am blessed with the opportunity to stay at home with all of my children since the middle of last year.

Throughout my years of being a mother, people have directly and indirectly passed judgment on me. When I had to continue working after having given birth to my firstborn, I was faulted for not seizing the opportunity to spend quality time with him during his younger years. I was judged for seemingly putting my career first.

Then came the year when I was pregnant with my middle child. I was in the process of getting a divorce during that time as a result of being in an abusive relationship. This time, I was judged for not giving my middle child the chance to get to know his biological father and for allowing my firstborn to grow up without a father.

So then I became a single mom. Whenever my mom was in town for extended periods, she would help with watching the children so that I could go to work. Of course, there were also many other times when she was out of town for an extended period and I needed to have a few babysitters lined up. These were the times when I'd hear constant remarks about me taking advantage of my mother and not letting her enjoy her senior years.

Years passed by and I'd hear people making comments why I hadn't re-married (or even dated) so that I could give my sons the opportunity to grow up with a father. They thought I had been taking away from my children by doing so. They said I was being selfish.

Fast forward to 2012: I got married, then got pregnant--and though I had worked all the way up until I was full-term during my last two pregnancies, my husband and I decided that I should stop working early on during my third pregnancy. Lo and behold, now I hear people wondering why I still hadn't returned to work--as if to indirectly make the statement that I just got married to get pregnant and leech off my husband's paycheck.

Enter 2013, the year we hope to start medical school together as a couple. I wouldn't be surprised to hear even more versions of such judgmental, hurtful remarks against mothers. Sadly, the remarks aren't just from other people; most of them come from mothers themselves--working mothers making remarks against stay-at-home moms, a mother (who had never worked before) making comments against a mother who finally had the chance to stop working and stay at home with her children, stay-at-home moms wishing they had "my" job since it seemed so sophisticated and cool, wives in abusive relationships passing judgment on those who decided to get out of one in order to protect and provide for her own children, and the list goes on...

If you were to ask me which time was the easiest for me (being a working mom, student mom, single mom, or stay-at-home mom), I'd say none of them were ever easy. Each had their own unique challenges. Being a mother is certainly a challenge in and of itself, but it is also a privilege that not everyone is given.

It was certainly my choice to be a working mom when I could've just stayed at home on welfare to care for my firstborn; I could've chosen to stay in an abusive relationship just so that my sons could grow up with a "father"; I could've taken the leap to re-marry right away just to create the false impression that our family was complete all over again; I could have chosen to continue working while pregnant with my third child and to eventually go back to work when he was only four weeks old (yes, I had the opportunity to teach at the graduate level during that time while maintaing other part-time jobs)!

But, I chose otherwise...

In my heart, I know that I chose what was best--and that I did my most--in raising my children. Just because my choices were not "popular" does not mean that they were wrong. So much so, just because a choice is popular is not enough to justify that it is right.

Photo by U.S. Pacific Fleet during Pacific Partnership 2012

By faith, I believe that going to medical school is also providing my children with God's best.

Going to medical school in our 30's is a sacrifice; but like being a parent, it is also a privilege. Once we graduate and start embarking upon medical missions overseas (and maybe even join the likes of those doing annual Pacific Partnership missions as shown on the photo), Lord willing, our children's world will be broadened beyond what the traditional classroom could offer. Hopefully, this exposure would also give them a servant's heart-- a legacy that we would like, as parents, to leave as a lasting imprint upon their heart.

We look forward to serving on medical missions, food drives, and other humanitarian missions, with our children--whether it be in the United States, the Philippines, and/or other parts of the world.


DISCLAIMER: I am by no means affiliated with any of the organizations listed in this blogpost. For the most accurate and recent information on any of these organizations, please visit their website or contact them directly.