I Want To Be Like Superwoman

Today, I failed miserably at meeting the standards of the "Proverbs 31 woman" (my version of Superwoman). I hope that one day, my children would still "arise up and call [me] blessed", and so would my husband (v. 28).

Being a mother is tough--it doesn't matter if you're a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, or even a single mom. I've been all three. It is a very special title to hold, and with such a title comes great responsibility.

And then...there are just some days that you lose your cool.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who helped me get my cool back. He surprised me with an ice cream sundae upon arriving home from a long day at work--you know, one of those Mondays.

In contrast, I also have an ex-husband who has consistently been behind on his child support this year. Perhaps, it is time to call the Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Here, I have one man who brings out the best in me, and there's another, who brings out the worst. The latter takes advantage of my kindness and does not take action until I am burning angry.

This is very humbling: such an experience today reminded me that there is no need to get upset. I'll just escalate. I'll contact CSEA. So it's a cumbersome process. Fine. But, instead of continuing to focus on such a negative aspect of my past, I'll just redirect my focus on the positive side that I do have presently: my family is finally complete! My kids are back and I am now married to a wonderful husband; plus, we recently added another child to our family!

Lord, please help me be that Proverbs 31 woman, every moment of every day.

I hope to be that "virtuous woman", who, according to verse 10, has a price that is "far above rubies".

I toured Bangkok, Thailand, in this Tuk Tuk

Speaking of rubies, I am reminded of this ruby ring that I had purchased in Bangkok, Thailand, during one of my business trips. I did not want to spend any more than $100USD since the purpose was just to have one as a souvenir. Little did I know, I was a victim of the "Gem Scam". Needless to say, I got a free tuk tuk ride the whole way through--a convenient way to tour the city for the entire day (still, I wouldn't recommend subjecting yourself to such a scam just to tour the city). On the plus side, however, it was then that I learned that a ruby is one of the four precious stones, together with the sapphire, the emerald, and the diamond.

The Tuk Tuk Driver

For a while, I continued to wear that ruby ring to remind me of my foolishness of falling prey to such a scam with hopes of remembering to be more cautious next time.

Then one day, I met my husband. Soon, he replaced that ring with a beautiful diamond ring, followed by a wedding ring. As I look at these rings, I remember to strive to be that Proverbs 31 woman for him, our children, but first and foremost, for God.

Then came the aha moment.

It's not up to me to assign my own value of being "far above rubies". It's up to my husband, my children, and God. Despite my many flaws, imperfections, idiosyncrasies, and sharp edges, they still value me far above the rarest gem that man could ever find...and I know they always will. I do not need to stress about about working so hard and doing so much to increase my own value in their eyes (or even mine).

As a woman, wife, mother, and God's daughter, I tend to strive to be many things to too many people all at the same time.

Perhaps this is why many women struggle so much: we want to be--and do--so many things at so many places for so many people all at the same time...and we want to do a good job at each one, every single time! If, at any point, we feel that we didn't do so well at even just one of them, especially when it comes to being that all-star mom and/or Wonder Woman Wife, we start feeling discouraged. We want to do more, be more, make more, and we wish we could do them all now. Not so good. Making it all about us and doing things our way (just like this) gets us on the fast track to discouragement and/or depression. In my case, I either have a silent meltdown or an angry outburst, typically "band-aided" with my favorite Starbucks drink, a smoothie, or some ice cream.

I just had another aha moment.

I had completely misunderstood the true meaning of what a Proverbs 31 woman is all about. I had always wondered how she was able to do so much and not lose it!

As women, we need to constantly remind ourselves that our level of fulfillment should not based on how much we do or don't get to do. We can only do so much. Rather, I personally think that it should be based on who we are.

We are God's beautiful creation, and with such beauty comes great power and responsibility--we can choose to wield it either for evil or for good.

The women mentioned in the Bible are quite strong, capable, and influential with their husbands, their children, their community, their nation, and all of mankind.

The good, the bad, and the ugly examples below clearly demonstrate the power and influence that women possess:

Some examples of the "good":

• Queen Esther humbly petitioned the king and successfully saved her people
• Dorcas was compassionate and was well-respected and loved by many, and she was known for making clothing and robes for the widows in her community
• Lydia, a successful business woman, showed kindness and hospitality to the missionaries
• Deborah, the only female judge mentioned in the Bible, was also a wife, prophetess, and brave warrior woman who victoriously led a counter-attack against Canaan forces

Some examples of the "bad":

• Eve was easily deceived and influenced Adam to eat of "the fruit", hence came the Fall of Man 
• Sarah couldn't wait for God's promise and told Abraham what to do, signalling the beginning of divided nations

Some examples of the "ugly": 

• Queen Jezebel was quite the evil mastermind and enabled King Ahab to do wicked things
• Delilah was deceptive and caused Samson to reveal the secret to his strength, sadly to his demise

It seems like all of the women mentioned in the Bible are remembered for their character (who they are) rather than a list of all of their accomplishments (what they have done).

God forbid that who I am would influence my family to make the wrong decisions. A wife's negativity or discontent can easily lead a man to make poor choices for his family, even in the absence of a spoken request. A wife's disrespect towards her husband can quickly turn away her children's respect for their father and those in authority. A mother's sharp tongue can painfully break her children's spirit.

Women, indeed, carry a great amount of power and influence that are disarming even to the strongest of men (as in the case of Samson and Delilah).

It is therefore no surprise that most if not all of us are born with such great ambition, such great passion, to carry out our calling (and we may have many).

Women are not weak. We are simply wired uniquely and intricately.  We are complex human beings that have been designed and equipped to handle quite a variety of things. We have specific skill sets that may seem foreign to a number of men.

We are very special in our own way, and we do not need to compete with men by trying to be just like them. No, thanks ;-)

I'd still like to be that Proverbs 31 woman, notably for who she is.

Among many things, she is a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, a philanthropist,  a real estate investor; one who dresses well but is not afraid to get her hands dirty; one who is efficient, thoughtful and kind; one who looks well after the welfare of her own family.

She is my role model, my Superwoman, and I hope to be like her not just one day, but every day.